The Put and The Stock
Vol #215: February 20th, 2025
The Till is on winter break this week. Instead of our usual programming, in honor of a new daily distribution options ETF, please enjoy the following lightly edited LLM poetry.
Happy Trading.
The Put and The Stock
Would you like them in a box?
Would you like them with some stocks?
Would you like them every day?
But so many fees—who wants to pay?
I would not like them, Sam I am.
I do not care for their grand slam.
They boast income while principal’s gone,
Waving dividends from dusk to dawn.
Would you like those covered calls?
Trading blindly in market halls?
Would you like that monthly yield—
All the risk, no reward revealed?
I would not like them here or there,
I would not like them anywhere!
They overtrade with zero signals,
Churn and burn—my wallet dwindles!
Would you like them weekly, Sam?
Would you like them in a can?
High expense! The balance shrinks,
Promised growth? It truly stinks.
I do not want their cunning spin,
No illusions that I’ll ever win.
They pitch big yields yet fail to say,
Distributions are what eat away.
Would you like them with big fees,
Promised protection by degrees?
We get all risk and none of grace,
And pay for hype in every place.
Would you like them with a buffer?
A pretty shield, but reality is rougher.
Just look at the pricing on the screens,
You’re better off trading your own means!
I do not want these ETFs—
Their flawed approach leads to regrets.
Covered calls? A haphazard spree!
I’d rather flip my own, you see.
No, Sam I am, I’ll pass once more,
These products make my patience sore.
They may rhyme well, but truth be told,
Their advertisements are the only gold!